Don’t let self-doubt defeat you

Fiona made a promise to herself as a child: she would learn and speak fluently another language. As a teenager, she fell in love with France. She decided that the French language was beautiful and alluring. She began her journey in learning this language with positivity and optimism. However, the years were not kind to her and she lost her faith in learning this foreign language. Occasionally, she would pick up a book or listen to some French with the hope of sparking her interest to continue on this journey. However, life was hard. She had bills to pay and work to go to. Learning French was a mere memory from a young girl, all those years ago.

Every now and then, Fiona’s mind would drift away from her mundane tasks of daily living and immerse itself with a distant memory and dream. Her mind would indulge in the luxury of this dream which Fiona realistically thought was out of her reach. In her daydreams, she could speak another language and be nomadic in her lifestyle. However, quickly reality set upon her. Her thoughts always ended up spiralling out of control into a negative abyss. Not possible. Never going to happen. Grow up. You have to pay the bills. What about your rent? Don’t you want children? You are too old. There is no hope. Move on.

It would seem that Fiona’s mind was against her at times. Any flicker of indifference to her current life, this part of her mind would attack with thoughts of uncertainty, fear and panic.

“You are where you are meant to be! Forget those childish dreams and aspirations. This is where you have ended up. Grow to love it. It’s your only option.” this part of the mind was evil to Fiona and of course she listened.

It was 6 a.m. when Fiona’s alarm clock went off, sounding the start of a day like yesterday. This morning, Fiona felt something deep inside her that would cause her heart to jump with excitement every so often. For those few brief moments, she smiled and enjoyed the flow of her pulsing blood just before her mind snapped her out of it. Her mind took her back to the reality of her ritual day-to-day tasks, that never changed. This day was different though. Part of her mind put it down as nonsense, but Fiona knew there was meaning in the things she kept seeing.

It first started when she was scrolling through her social media and approached a photo of the Eifle Tower. It then happened again just before leaving the house, when her mother rang and Fiona responded with, “Bonjour!” Then again at work, she was sitting on her task when she got an email from a French lady called Fleur Caron. Then, the colours of the flag kept propping up everywhere. She swears that the majority of the people in the office were wearing reds, blues and whites. These strange omens that Fiona kept seeing happened for almost 2 months. Until finally her mind started to speak to her honestly.

“It is odd how we keep seeing objects and people that have a clear link to France. Do we continue to ignore these omens that keep directing us down a certain path, or do we simply brush them off the shoulder as pure coincidence?”

The excitement grew inside Fiona’s chest every day! The joy moved through every inch of her body, electrifying her cells. Fiona did not know why her physical and mental self was behaving in this way. It wasn’t until the answer slapped her in the face one morning. She began to laugh to herself and jump with joy. She jumped up and down on her bed and fell backwards onto her soft cloud-like duvet. It was as if a wall that was blinding her from seeing the other side was knocked down. The omens were offering her help every day and she was grateful that they hadn’t given up on her. Her self-doubt and deluded mindset were evaporating by the minute.

A few years had passed and Fiona was sitting in a cafe in the centre of Paris. She was drinking luxurious coffee and talking French to a friend who was sitting opposite her. Fiona paused and looked out at the plaza. She was not defeated, purely because she decided to listen to her heart and to not ignore the signs around her.

“Defeat is a state of mind. No one is ever defeated until defeat had been accepted as a reality” – Bruce Less

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